College student distances herself from best friend after discovering she secretly planned a Puerto Rico trip with another friend and contacted her ex during the vacation: 'They went to all the places we said we would go together'

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• AITAH for dropping a friend for excluding me on a trip?

  I, (20 F) met my friend let’s call her Tenny (21 F) at college our freshman year. The moment we first met we clicked instantly and decided to be roommates since she didn’t have one. She was my only friend at that college and I cherished our moments together. We did have out arguments or disagreements like most roommates/ friends do but it was never anything that lasted more than a day.

   

  Last October, Tenny planned a trip for her 21st birthday to Puerto Rico. She invited some of her hometown friends and her childhood best friend. As the trip approached most of the people invited weren’t able to make it or cancelled on the trip. At one point it was just me and her. She decided to invite our friend from college Vicky (19 F) last minute and she accepted. 

   

  The three of us successfully made it to PR and from my perspective we all had a great time. We talked about returning together in the future and how we would go for longer since it was simply a weekend trip.
  Fast forward to the first week of March of this year I reached out to Tenny and asked to hang out for Saint Patrick’s.
  
   

• At that point, everything still seemed completely normal between the friends. Sure, life after college can get busy, but she had no reason to think anything had changed in their relationship. Unfortunately, one casual question about Saint Patrick’s Day plans was about to accidentally uncover a whole situation she definitely was not prepared for emotionally.

• She said she was busy and gonna be in PR that week and curiously I asked with who she was going with. She replied and said with Vicky. This caught me off guard because we have hung out together since going to PR in October.

   

  I felt hurt and excluded, especially since she wasn’t planning on mentioning anything about the trip until I asked to hang out that week. I replied “oh” to her message and she never answered or followed up with anything else. Seeing them go on that trip really made me feel like I was excluded on purpose.

• They went to all the places we said we would go to, whenever we went again. To make matters worse on the trip they had somebody FaceTime my ex and insulted him “in my honor” but just ended up making me look bad.

  
  I was so upset by this all going down and as a result just stopped reaching out.

   

  She has done some sh*tty things in the past but I looked past it because I thought we were best friends. I don’t know if I’m being dramatic or valid for feeling this way.

   

  AITAH for basically ghosting her over not being invited to the trip?

  -futilenation63

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• Once the story hit the internet, people immediately started debating whether the friend had intentionally excluded her or if this was simply one of those painful friendship drifts that happens in your twenties. Others focused less on the trip itself and more on the bizarre decision to involve the ex-boyfriend during the vacation drama.

• red___cardigan

  NTA, at all. And I would feel hurt too. You are 100% valid here, and like another Redditor said, when someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them.

• Fine_Perfection_677

  NTA at all. Tbh the fact that they went to the exact places yall planned is psycho behavior. They wanted you to see it and feel bad. Good riddance fr.

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• Grouchy_Focus73

  Sometimes you are just the convenience friend. Now she moved on and your time together is over. 

  Actions tell me everything in life. 

• scarygirlieuk

  
  NTA. "She's done some sh*tty things in the past."

  She is not the friend you think she is, you're at best someone to have around until someone she feels is better company comes along.

• jdogx17

  
  NTA but I do think YAO a little bit. I agree with the others who have said that that downgrading her to casual friend or even acquaintance is more appropriate than cutting her off absolutely. I’ll add this, for whatever it’s worth. Life goes a lot more smoothly if you assume the best of people rather than the worst. Assuming the worst leads to unnecessary conflict, and it’s absolutely exhausting.

  At some point you might say, calmly, “I’m glad to see you guys had so much fun, but I was a little hurt that I wasn’t included. I know that you must have had a good reason for it, and you don’t owe me any kind of explanation.”

• jone7007

  Could be her, could be you, could be neither. It's not worth ending a friendship over. I've not invited people that I've previously traveled with on later trips because our travel styles. Difference in things like budget vs luxury, partying vs not drinking, beach lounging vs active explorering. Sometimes people that I love and hang out with at home are just not suitable travel partners for me or I for them. Growing up is realizing that it's okay not to be included in everything. Sometimes it's just not the right fit.

• The situation left the college student questioning whether the friendship had quietly changed long before the trip ever happened. While some people thought ghosting was harsh, many understood why being excluded, blindsided, and dragged into unnecessary ex drama would completely change the way someone viewed a close friendship forever.

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